I just got back from spending four days in Spicewood working with my coach, Brent…
We talked about all kinds of stuff like…
How my business is evolving…
The kind of relationship I want to be in…
And how the things that matter to me are changing as I get older…
It was an eye opening week for me…
So I’m gonna share two pieces of wisdom that Brent imparted on me over the last few days…
Starting with…
1. As you age, what you want and what you understand about yourself will change
I’m always surprised how in tune Brent is with how things are changing for me as I age.
When I started working with him, I was 34.
Now I’m 40…
In my mind, those two ages are different, but they aren’t that different.
But Brent doesn’t see it that way.
And he picks up on things like…
– In the gym, I care more about my long term flexibility and mobility than just trying to lift as much weight as possible (like I uesd to)
– How I’m driven to build things, but I have more focus these days on fulfillment and enjoying life (and not just money like it was when I was younger)
– My focus on being around a smaller number of people that I care about (as opposed to being at a bar with a few hundred people)
These are all changes going on for me.
And they’re a natural part of me getting older.
So the big takeaway here is that even in the span of five years, things can change a lot for you.
I was a different guy at 35 than I am at 40.
So you want to pay attention to how you’re changing in terms of how you think about…
Life…
Relationships…
Your business…
Your body…
Cause your thoughts on that stuff will change as you age.
So you want to be in tune with it…
Alright let’s hop to the second piece of wisdom Brent shared with me…
This one was about relationships.
And it was really helpful for me…
2. For a relationship to be fulfilling and to work longterm, there’s three things you need…
– You both want similar levels of closeness (it could be really close, or it could be further apart, the key is that you and your partner want similar levels of closeness)
– You have common interests (if you love traveling, and your partner hates traveling, that’s not great. If your partner is super religious, and you have no interest in religion, again not great. Obviously not everything you do needs to be the same, but you need a good amount of common interests to sustain the relationship over the long term)
– You want similar things out of life in terms of kids, where you live etc…(if she wants kids, and you have no interest in having kids, that’s not gonna work. If you want to live in NYC and she wants to live in small town Kansas, that’s probably not going to work either. You need to agree on the big things you want in life)
So those were the three things Brent said you need for a fulfilling and longterm relationship.
This is all based on his 20+ years of working with clients.
He’s seen tons of break-ups…
And a lot of divorces…
And he said that the couples that stay together (and are happy) all have these three things in common.
Which was helpful for me.
It gives me a good idea of what to look for when I’m dating.
It also made me realize that my last relationship didn’t have a lot of these things.
Her and I got along well…
And I enjoyed spending time with her…
But we didn’t have a ton of common interests…
And we wanted very different levels of closeness in the relationship…
So long term…
It probably wasn’t gonna work.
So I’m glad we dove into that…
And he shared that framework with me.
It gives me a good idea of what I should be looking for going forward…
Anyways…
I wanted to share a few of these learnings with you.
So hopefull you got a nugget or two from this…
I’ll be back to my normal writing schedule tomorrow.
So keep your eyes peeled for an email from me tomorrow morning…
– Justin
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