Every Sunday I like to write about 3 random things that are on my mind.
Sometimes these 3 things are about business…
Sometimes they’re about life…
But since today is Mother’s Day, I’m gonna write about a few things on my mind when it comes to my mom.
Let’s dig in…
1. Mother’s Day has always been a struggle for me because my mom and I don’t have a great relationship
I grew up with an abusive mom…
If I didn’t do something right, she would fly off the handle in a fury of rage and beat me.
So I spent most of my childhood terrified of her.
She was never really supportive of me…
Nothing I ever did was good enough…
So I was an angry and scared kid.
I felt worthless…
Like I didn’t matter…
So to compensate, I tried to go above and beyond to get her validation…
I tried to be really good at golf…
I tried to get a 4.0 every quarter…
But even with that, the love and approval never came.
Which was tough for me.
And it’s why I struggle with Mother’s Day so much.
I know I’m supposed to be grateful for my mother on this day…
I see all my friends posting pics on Instagram about how much they adore their moms…
But the reality for me is that I don’t have that kind of relationship with my mom.
With that said…
Let’s look at some of the good things that happened because of my mom…
2. I probably would not be as successful as I am today without my mother
One thing I never had growing up was my own autonomy.
My mom made all the decisions…
The unspoken rule in our house was “mom rules all”.
So I was always at her mercy…
I didn’t feel a lot of security in my life (both emotionally and physically).
So I had to create it on my own.
Obviously this is not good for a kid.
You don’t want your kid feeling vulnerable all their life.
However, this lack of safety that I felt was the fuel that turned me into a successful entrepreneur.
I knew from a young age that I had to make things happen on my own.
So I was always trying to do my own thing…
I wanted out from under my mom’s shadow.
That’s why I’m an entrepreneur today.
I wanted to create that security for myself.
So as much as we have our differences…
This is a good thing that came from it.
I don’t think I’d be as successful as I am today if she wasn’t who she is.
Alright let’s do one more of these…
3. I’ve made a lot of progress in understanding who my mom is and who she isn’t
One thing I struggled with in my 20’s was putting my parents on a pedestal.
At 25, I still let my mom influence my decisions.
I was trying to do things to make her happy.
Now-a-days, I have a more realistic outlook on who my parents are.
I understand that they aren’t gods.
They’re just humans.
And they’re flawed people.
My parents are free to have their opinions about what I do, who I date, how I spend my time etc… – but I don’t put their opinions above my own.
This has been a big change for me.
Cause when I was 25 I was still putting them first.
What’s more…
I’ve gotten more realistic about just who my mom is (and who she isn’t).
She’s 62 now…
And she is not going to change.
I’ve gone back to that well many times hoping things would be different…
Hoping she would be more caring…
Or supportive…
But it’s never happened.
I’ve gotten my hopes up many times, only to feel like I was sucker-punched after.
So one are I’ve made progress on is just being more realistic about who my mom is.
And what I’m going to get from her.
This is really all she knows.
She’s not going to all of a sudden going to turn into a soft and caring mom that’s telling me I’m doing great.
That’s not her.
And it’s been a big shift for me to realize that.
So I can be more realistic about who she is.
Make sense?
I hope so.
Cause that’s all I got for ya today.
This wasn’t easy for me to share…
So hopefully you got a nugget or two from it.
Enjoy your Sunday,
– Justin
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