Back when I was in my late 20’s, I was obsessed with a Serbian bartender named Kat.
She was a stunning blonde who was super bubbly, and had a smile that lit up the room…
Back in those days, she was exactly my type.
So every weekend I used to drag my friends to the bar she worked at so I could flirt with her.
And over time we developed a connection…
I’d tease her about trying to roofie my drinks and take advantage of me…
And she’d tease me about being her “sugar daddy” cause of how much I tipped her…
Eventually it hit the point where it was blatantly obvious that she was into me and I needed to ask her out.
So I did.
And she eagerly said “yes”.
So a few days later she met me at my house in German Village, and we walked hand-in-hand to a cool little patio bar near my place called Lindy’s.
We sat outside on the patio and sipped cocktails…
We got to know each other…
She was playfully hitting me on the arm throughout the night.
So the vibe was definitely on.
At one point we put a few dollars in the jukebox and started dancing like we were at prom.
We were in our own little bubble…
Just enjoying the night…
Eventually it started getting late, so I decided to walk her back to her car…
When we got back to her car, she said she couldn’t wait to to see me again…
And then mentioned that she’d be bartending all weekend, and that if I was out I should stop in and see her.
I said “ok”…
Then I kissed her good night, and sent her on her way…
At this point, everything was going great.
I couldn’t have asked for a better date.
But unfortunately for me, this is where things took a turn for the worse.
Cause at this point, I did a few things that made me look “too available”.
Basically what happened was that I did exactly what she asked me to do that weekend and I stopped in to see her on Friday night while she was bartending.
When I got there, the bar was crazy busy…
And there was no where to stand…
So I wound up having to sit at one of the stools that was right in front of where she was serving all night.
I was with a few friends at the bar, but the optics of it looked like I showed up by myself, and I was sitting right in front of her all night.
Which was not great.
And on it’s own, this probably wouldn’t have been a deal breaker for her.
However…
Things got worse from there…
Cause the next night, I got invited to a birthday party for my friend Josh, and guess where he was having his party?
The bar that Kate bartended at.
I thought about skipping his party…
Cause I didn’t want Kat thinking I was “so available” that I came in two nights in a row to see her…
But I was a moron back then and I wasn’t gonna miss a night of debauchery with Josh, so I ended up meeting up with him at the bar…
When I got there, I wished Josh a happy birthday…
And I told everyone I was going to the bar to get shots for the group.
So I strolled up to the bar all excited with a big smile on my face…
And that’s when Kat saw me…
The look on her face immediately told me that this was a bad idea.
When she saw me, she wasn’t her fun and bubbly self…
She was perplexed at why I was there…
And to she even made a comment about me “keeping tabs on her”.
Yikes.
So basically in the span of two days, I went from the fun, cool guy that she was smitten to go out with…
To the desperate dude that was smothering her.
Not good.
All the the flirty vibes between us were gone.
And this was made even more evident to me all a few days later when I texted her.
“What are you up to on Wednesday night?” I asked.
20 minutes later, I looked at my phone…
No response.
An hour later I checked again…
No response.
Five hours went by…
Nothing.
The next day?
No response.
I was checking my phone endlessly (even waking up in the middle of the night to check it) to see if she texted me back.
But she never did.
I was crushed.
Because of my own screw-ups, and some bad “optics”, the whole thing fell apart…
Needless to say, Kat and I never went out again…
And I stopped frequenting that bar.
It was a big ole’ mess.
And I beat myself up for a while after that…
However…
Through all that pain, I did learn a very important learning lesson (and it’s a lesson that applies to business and client-getting as well)…
And that lesson is this…
If it appears that you’re desperate, and you have no other options, people will sense it, and they’ll want nothing to do with you.
That’s what happened with Kat…
I was “too available”.
Too needy.
And I can tell ya this same phenomenon happens in business as well.
Let’s say you want an affiliate to mail for you…
So you send them an email…
And another one…
And a Facebook message…
At some point, they’re gonna know you’re desperate.
And if they know you’re desperate…
And that you REALLY need them to mail for you, the odds of them mailing for you will be very slim.
Same thing goes for trying to land copywriting clients.
If you really need money to make rent, and you’re constantly begging clients to hire you…
The client will sense your desperation.
They’ll know you have no other options.
And if no one else wants to hire you, then why would they want to hire you?
They won’t.
Point being…
You never want to be “too available”.
And you don’t want to be in the position where you have no other options.
Cause people will sense that…
And they’ll be turned off by it.
I learned that lesson the hard way with Kat.
So learn from my mistakes…
And don’t be too available in your business (and your dating life).
Remember, optics always matter.
Make sense?
I hope so.
Cause that’s all I got for ya today.
Enjoy your Thursday,
– Justin
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